a really long, but categorized, ask meme

heromaterial-archive:

ACTIONS – ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

• *Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*
• *Slaps you*
• *Kisses you on the lips*
• *Bites your lip*
• *Rubs your shoulders*
• *Dumps ice water over your head*
• *Winks at you*
• *Flips hair at you*
• *Throws a ball of paper towards you*
• *Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*
• *Slams the door shut behind you*
• *Storms out of the room*
• *Wraps my arms around you from behind*
• *Kisses your neck*
• *Nibbles on your earlobe*
• *Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*
• *Strokes your hair*
• *Caresses your cheek*
• *Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES – PICK UP LINES EDITION

• “You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?”
• “I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?”
• “I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel.”
• “Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes.”
• “Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”
• “Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”
• “If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you.”
• “Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”
• *Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES – STRANGERS EDITION

• “I’m sorry, have we met before?”
• “I don’t know you, but thanks.”
• “You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?”
• “We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again.”
• “Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?”
• “It’s none of your business. We just met.”
• “Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”
• “I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich.”
• “Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry.”

QUOTES – WORKPLACE EDITION

• “Did you get that email I sent you last night?”
• “No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”
• “I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!”
• “I know what you’ve got in that top drawer.”
• “I can’t believe you’re drunk at work.”
• “You know, most people watch porn at home.”
• “Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband.”
• “Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!”
• “If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too.”
• “You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?”

QUOTES – SCHOOL EDITION

• “Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”
• “We lost the playoffs.”
• “The girls team beat the boys!”
• “I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office.”
• “Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours.”
• “I heard they were fucking in the bathroom.”
• “She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!”
• “She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth.”
• “I can’t believe we’re graduating this year.”
• “Being a freshman sucks.”
• “I slept with a sophomore last weekend.”
• “She/he told me they were a junior!”
• “Why are those freshmen staring at you?”
• “Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?”
• “How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?”
• “Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”
• “I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.”
• “I definitely failed that test.”
• “I got an A on my essay!”

QUOTES – SASS EDITION

• “Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out.”
• “I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number.”
• “Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”
• “I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give.”
• “What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains.”
• “Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you.”
• “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”
• “At this point you might as well ask for my autograph.”

QUOTES – ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

• “You know I’m right! I’m always right!”
• “Shut up. Just shut up!”
• “I don’t need to listen to this.”
• “You’re lying.”
• “I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you.”
• “I can’t look at you.”
• “Don’t fucking touch me.”
• “If you say one more word, I swear…”
• “Pipe down, you’re making a scene.”
• “What’s wrong with you?”
• “Now I know why people think you’re neurotic.”
• “You must be crazy.”
• “I’m not backing down.”
• “You can’t hide the truth forever, you know.”
• “What’s your issue?”
  
• “You make me so angry.”
• “This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES – LOVERS EDITION

• “And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.”
• “I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?”
• “I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”
• “You’re the one that I want.”
• “I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”
• “Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else.”
• “I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind.”
• “I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life.”
• “I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”
• “I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now.”
• “Please, don’t leave me.”
• “I need you more than you will ever know.”
• “I love you more than I could ever express in words.”

QUOTES – DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

• *Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*
• “I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!”
• “I brought vodka and ice cream.”
• “You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads.”
• “I can’t believe you went without me!”
• “I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?”
• “I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!”
• “I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
• “Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up.”

TEXTS – DRUNK EDITION

• [TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?
• [TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.
• [TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.
• [TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.
• [TEXT] Do you even love me?
• [TEXT] What happened to us?
• [TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.
• [TEXT] IM26C4U.
• [TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.
• [TEXT] I couldn’t care less.
• [TEXT] Now you know how it feels.
• [TEXT] I still love you.
• [TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS – EMERGENCY EDITION

• [TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.
• [TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.
• [TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??
• [TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.
• [TEXT] I don’t know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!