Ask Memes ;; Sass Edition

toomuchtelly:

• You can’t fight me, you’re miniature. 
• Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. 
• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
• Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
• Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
• I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.
• You know, it only takes four muscles to just extend your arm and bitchslap the twat. 
• Congratulations on being an awful bitch who’s completely oblivious to the fact that everyone hates you. 
• Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
• My business isn’t your business; so unless you’re my thong, don’t be up my arse. 
• I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times already. 
• I would retaliate against your snotty remark, but since you resemble a garden gnome, I’d say the joke is on you. 
• I thought I saw your face on my newsfeed but it turns out it was just a picture of a potato.
• You want to walk out of my life, there’s the door. Hell, I’ll even hold it open for you. 
• I don’t do fashion, I am fashion. 
• Somewhere out there there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breath. I think you owe it an apology. 
• I’m only single because I’m too sassy for everyone.
• Bitch please, have you seen me? I’m a princess. 
• I think, therefore I’m single.
• Life’s too short to bullshit.
• If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
• When in doubt, freak ‘em out.
• I’d rather die my way than live yours.
• Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
• Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
• I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
• It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.
• Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
• Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
• I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
• If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.